If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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