this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
