'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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