I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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