and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
