from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
