So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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