i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
