Your dad touched me again.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
