i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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