yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
