Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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