I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
