So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
