nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I need a beard to bite.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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