So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
