i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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