I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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