Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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