His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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