Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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