She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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