You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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