So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
