I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
