I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
