After last night, I could never be a politician.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
