I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
When are your genitals available?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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