What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
