My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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