marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
