I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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