is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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