that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
