I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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