I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
