my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
