I need help removing her.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
