Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
