when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
