just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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