My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
