If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
