everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
