Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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