oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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