i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
