Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
