Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
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