Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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