You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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