if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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